[ perhaps that is what is most insane about this - not the fact that they live in some nowhere down in central usa that has a monster problem. not the fact that there is some crazy world that works in opposite of this one that a bunch of kids have them all calling the upside down, and not that steve finds himself still here, even after graduation. in this town. living at his parents house. the king of hawkins high, turned...what? deadbeat? who didn't go to college and who doesn't really have a plan for his life going forward? it feels wrong, in some weird way, though. because steve doesn't feel stuck.
because for years, years, it had been all about finding his footing in the tiny world of hawkins. he had a leg up in a lot of ways, ways he can acknowledge now. he came from money, which automatically attracts friends. he's not bad looking and he learned how to actually dress and take care of his hair, which shifted his popularity with the girls as they all got older, too. add in his natural athleticism and general ability to talk and make jokes and ease situations, and you have the makings of a full-on douchebag who thought the entire world was contained within the borders of hawkins, indiana. and part of steve wishes he could say that all it took was learning about monsters and dark scary creepy opposite worlds for him to open his eyes to the truth of it all, but he knows that when it comes down to it, it was nancy. nancy wheeler - always searching for the truth, relentless and powerful and magical all in one stunning body - who looked at him and knew he was phoning it in. he'd gone to jonathan's that night to apologize because nancy had been who had opened his eyes, but the demogorgan had helped that along, too.
because steve hadn't even known jonathan byers before then, really. and maybe that goes to show just how similar he and jonathan were, without even realizing it. because in the same way that jonathan looked at most of the people in hawkins as nonfactors, because they didn't matter, they weren't part of his world, steve had done a lot of the same. circles occupying similar spaces, but encompassing different worlds. jonathan hadn't even been in his scope beyond that weird kid in the grade below him until will had disappeared. and then the weird kid who had taken those photos. and now?
now steve can't help but be drawn in by it, by him. the amount that jonathan knows about the world, about music, about art. the things he can recite about books and movies and world news. the way that he could do all of this, have his sights set out to something so much bigger than any of them, and could be here, too, in the same way. it's taken some time, perhaps. taken steve's new position as dustin's ride, extended conversations upstairs at the wheeler's house, taken specific decisions where steve could have just gone home but instead decided that maybe it was worth heading across town just to ask jonathan what he knew about this or that. but through that time, steve's realized he's getting bits and pieces of a person that very few others knew.
like just how tight knit his family really is. like how well he and will get along. like the record collection he keeps in his room and how his dad is an asshole who isn't really in the picture. and steve, without realizing what was happening, found himself pulled in by this life, by this force, by the way he felt being around jonathan and nancy and robin. like he could be himself, whatever that new version of himself was supposed to be. and they all kind of flourish in that space of having each other, of watching the younger kids grow tighter and tighter, of watching hopper and joyce pretend they're being subtle when they're around each other. steve's not entirely sure how he's gone from the most popular kid in hawkins to hanging out with outcasts and nerds and feeling like, for the first time, he's comfortable with the shoes he's standing in, but it's the truth.
for all that jonathan feels like he can see steve, it's the same in opposite. steve feels seen, like there's not some image he's trying to fill, like maybe if this is it, he can be pretty okay with that.
even if he knows that this can't go on forever - nancy and jonathan are going to college together, soon, and then they'll take on the world. dustin and his friends are going to age through high school. robin will find the love of her life and move off to new york like she's always dreamed. and maybe, just maybe, joyce and hop will finally get married. steve, too, at some point, will have to get a real job and move out himself. will have to grow up, get a life, move on. this won't last forever, but maybe it can be just like this for a little longer.
( steve doesn't like to think about it - about losing nancy and jonathan, about robin leaving him too. in every version he runs through, it's always him being left behind. of course it only happens now that he knows what he'll lose. )
for now, steve will take advantage - of the rock and roll and synth through the mix tape. of the smile on jonathan's face. on the smell of watermelon and whatever it was jonathan made for breakfast in the small, hot room.
he pushes back because it feels like he should, like he could, and jonathan retaliates back. steve's never had siblings, never known what it is to rough house like that, but he played sports. he's had enough friends. he knows that by catching steve's knee in his hand, jonathan is sending a silent message. a retaliation. a challenge. he recognizes that this could escalate, that roughhousing could come into play, or maybe something entirely different, but in the face of it steve simply laughs - it's light, it's bubbly, it's easy. ]
Yeah? And do you speak french, Byers?
[ it's childish in return, but steve doesn't try to be any more mature about it either. jonathan tosses the piece of fruit at him and it thumps against his chest and steve moves to sit up, grabbing the piece, but he's still laughing. ] Cheap shot! What the hell! [ this is happening now. steve immediately throws the piece right back to jonathan with a bit more force. ]
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because for years, years, it had been all about finding his footing in the tiny world of hawkins. he had a leg up in a lot of ways, ways he can acknowledge now. he came from money, which automatically attracts friends. he's not bad looking and he learned how to actually dress and take care of his hair, which shifted his popularity with the girls as they all got older, too. add in his natural athleticism and general ability to talk and make jokes and ease situations, and you have the makings of a full-on douchebag who thought the entire world was contained within the borders of hawkins, indiana. and part of steve wishes he could say that all it took was learning about monsters and dark scary creepy opposite worlds for him to open his eyes to the truth of it all, but he knows that when it comes down to it, it was nancy. nancy wheeler - always searching for the truth, relentless and powerful and magical all in one stunning body - who looked at him and knew he was phoning it in. he'd gone to jonathan's that night to apologize because nancy had been who had opened his eyes, but the demogorgan had helped that along, too.
because steve hadn't even known jonathan byers before then, really. and maybe that goes to show just how similar he and jonathan were, without even realizing it. because in the same way that jonathan looked at most of the people in hawkins as nonfactors, because they didn't matter, they weren't part of his world, steve had done a lot of the same. circles occupying similar spaces, but encompassing different worlds. jonathan hadn't even been in his scope beyond that weird kid in the grade below him until will had disappeared. and then the weird kid who had taken those photos. and now?
now steve can't help but be drawn in by it, by him. the amount that jonathan knows about the world, about music, about art. the things he can recite about books and movies and world news. the way that he could do all of this, have his sights set out to something so much bigger than any of them, and could be here, too, in the same way. it's taken some time, perhaps. taken steve's new position as dustin's ride, extended conversations upstairs at the wheeler's house, taken specific decisions where steve could have just gone home but instead decided that maybe it was worth heading across town just to ask jonathan what he knew about this or that. but through that time, steve's realized he's getting bits and pieces of a person that very few others knew.
like just how tight knit his family really is. like how well he and will get along. like the record collection he keeps in his room and how his dad is an asshole who isn't really in the picture. and steve, without realizing what was happening, found himself pulled in by this life, by this force, by the way he felt being around jonathan and nancy and robin. like he could be himself, whatever that new version of himself was supposed to be. and they all kind of flourish in that space of having each other, of watching the younger kids grow tighter and tighter, of watching hopper and joyce pretend they're being subtle when they're around each other. steve's not entirely sure how he's gone from the most popular kid in hawkins to hanging out with outcasts and nerds and feeling like, for the first time, he's comfortable with the shoes he's standing in, but it's the truth.
for all that jonathan feels like he can see steve, it's the same in opposite. steve feels seen, like there's not some image he's trying to fill, like maybe if this is it, he can be pretty okay with that.
even if he knows that this can't go on forever - nancy and jonathan are going to college together, soon, and then they'll take on the world. dustin and his friends are going to age through high school. robin will find the love of her life and move off to new york like she's always dreamed. and maybe, just maybe, joyce and hop will finally get married. steve, too, at some point, will have to get a real job and move out himself. will have to grow up, get a life, move on. this won't last forever, but maybe it can be just like this for a little longer.
( steve doesn't like to think about it - about losing nancy and jonathan, about robin leaving him too. in every version he runs through, it's always him being left behind. of course it only happens now that he knows what he'll lose. )
for now, steve will take advantage - of the rock and roll and synth through the mix tape. of the smile on jonathan's face. on the smell of watermelon and whatever it was jonathan made for breakfast in the small, hot room.
he pushes back because it feels like he should, like he could, and jonathan retaliates back. steve's never had siblings, never known what it is to rough house like that, but he played sports. he's had enough friends. he knows that by catching steve's knee in his hand, jonathan is sending a silent message. a retaliation. a challenge. he recognizes that this could escalate, that roughhousing could come into play, or maybe something entirely different, but in the face of it steve simply laughs - it's light, it's bubbly, it's easy. ]
Yeah? And do you speak french, Byers?
[ it's childish in return, but steve doesn't try to be any more mature about it either. jonathan tosses the piece of fruit at him and it thumps against his chest and steve moves to sit up, grabbing the piece, but he's still laughing. ] Cheap shot! What the hell! [ this is happening now. steve immediately throws the piece right back to jonathan with a bit more force. ]