it’s not some dramatic thing, necessarily. this isn’t steve’s first rodeo, and while it may have been his first time into the upside down, he’s not new to this. there are always, always days after hawkins has to fight the haunted nightmare world it apparently lives on top of that he finds himself here. days where he had been too terrified to even look at christmas lights, where he jumped every time a dog barked. where he was convinced, convinced, that the russians had found him and robin. where they’d come to finish the job.
and this time…this time it worked, didn’t it? they’d roasted the shit out of vecna, max was still breathing, hawkins still stood - albeit on cracked, crumbling legs. compared to the alternative, this was okay. their plan didn’t fail. against all odds. he should be celebrating, they all should be, and steve does the best he can to keep them moving. to get them back home. to get them on with the next day, and then the day after.
it shouldn’t be this bad.
( the truth is - steve can’t stop seeing eddie’s body. can’t unsee the crumpled way dustin had been curled over him, still sobbing, when they’d made it back. how steve had to peel him away, had to all but carry dustin to the portal, back to hawkins. no matter how much he tells himself there was nothing to be done, how much he tries to reason with himself, every time he closes his eyes he sees eddie’s face, his body, matted with blood. torn apart, not dissimilar to how steve had been, just…what? days ago? )
right now, steve is out in his backyard - his house is empty, his parents gone on some other trip, and he just. he can’t sit inside anymore. he can’t be inside. so he finds the dregs of some forgotten joint from months ago and a beer from the fridge and he goes out to the plastic chairs with few plans other than to get high and maybe try not to think for a few hours.
and it’s stupid, he knows, but after the earthquake the pool lights aren’t really functioning, so he takes one of his dad’s camping lanterns out with him. why? honestly, he couldn’t tell you. part of him just couldn’t be in the dark.
when the flickering starts, steve just…doesn’t really notice. there’s been a lot going on these last few days, and honestly, he doesn’t want to have to look for it anymore either. honestly, there’s no telling how long it does take for his eyes to glance over. to see the pattern, repeated over and over, and for it to send him jerking upright so quickly his head spins a bit, just to watch the lantern again.
s. o. s.
he’d watched eddie munson tap out that very same thing. steve might not know morse code in the actual sense, but he knows that. ]
Shit. Shit. Uh- [ steve looks around, tries to remember how this even went. how this goes. if there’s anyone even here. ]
Hello? [ steve doesn’t even have the forethought to think who would be, who would even be in the upside down right now.
( for all he knows, mike wheeler got himself screwed over and ended up down there. or dustin, dustin - who hasn’t stopped saying they should go back to the upside down to get eddie’s body. fuck.
no, he needs to. he needs to figure this out before he panics. )
yells loudly
it’s not some dramatic thing, necessarily. this isn’t steve’s first rodeo, and while it may have been his first time into the upside down, he’s not new to this. there are always, always days after hawkins has to fight the haunted nightmare world it apparently lives on top of that he finds himself here. days where he had been too terrified to even look at christmas lights, where he jumped every time a dog barked. where he was convinced, convinced, that the russians had found him and robin. where they’d come to finish the job.
and this time…this time it worked, didn’t it? they’d roasted the shit out of vecna, max was still breathing, hawkins still stood - albeit on cracked, crumbling legs. compared to the alternative, this was okay. their plan didn’t fail. against all odds. he should be celebrating, they all should be, and steve does the best he can to keep them moving. to get them back home. to get them on with the next day, and then the day after.
it shouldn’t be this bad.
( the truth is - steve can’t stop seeing eddie’s body. can’t unsee the crumpled way dustin had been curled over him, still sobbing, when they’d made it back. how steve had to peel him away, had to all but carry dustin to the portal, back to hawkins. no matter how much he tells himself there was nothing to be done, how much he tries to reason with himself, every time he closes his eyes he sees eddie’s face, his body, matted with blood. torn apart, not dissimilar to how steve had been, just…what? days ago? )
right now, steve is out in his backyard - his house is empty, his parents gone on some other trip, and he just. he can’t sit inside anymore. he can’t be inside. so he finds the dregs of some forgotten joint from months ago and a beer from the fridge and he goes out to the plastic chairs with few plans other than to get high and maybe try not to think for a few hours.
and it’s stupid, he knows, but after the earthquake the pool lights aren’t really functioning, so he takes one of his dad’s camping lanterns out with him. why? honestly, he couldn’t tell you. part of him just couldn’t be in the dark.
when the flickering starts, steve just…doesn’t really notice. there’s been a lot going on these last few days, and honestly, he doesn’t want to have to look for it anymore either. honestly, there’s no telling how long it does take for his eyes to glance over. to see the pattern, repeated over and over, and for it to send him jerking upright so quickly his head spins a bit, just to watch the lantern again.
s. o. s.
he’d watched eddie munson tap out that very same thing. steve might not know morse code in the actual sense, but he knows that. ]
Shit. Shit. Uh- [ steve looks around, tries to remember how this even went. how this goes. if there’s anyone even here. ]
Hello? [ steve doesn’t even have the forethought to think who would be, who would even be in the upside down right now.
( for all he knows, mike wheeler got himself screwed over and ended up down there. or dustin, dustin - who hasn’t stopped saying they should go back to the upside down to get eddie’s body. fuck.
no, he needs to. he needs to figure this out before he panics. )
he raises his voice a little. ]
Hey! Can you hear me?