[ eddie doesn't have to blame steve for that guilt to still sit heavily, comfortably, permanently in his chest. because whether or not eddie blames him, steve knows what he did. steve knows that he could have said something else (what, he is less certain of). knows he could have done something. they've made it years, years, without losing someone like this. so obviously he did something wrong.
but steve tries not to focus on that, because those are the things that have kept him up. the things he can't help but roll over and over in his mind. right now is different, because right now there is something to be done. something he can do. even if it's something of a struggle to get to that point. he tries to think of options, tries to think of people. the yes or no is more limiting than he initially thought, but it's better than nothing, right? so he's got to make something of it.
he doesn't actually think anything will come of it, when he mentions eddie's name. he thinks he's being too hopeful, sending out a hail mary while he buys time to think of who it might actually be. which, he decides, has to be the reason that when the light does come on, when the two taps happen in the brightest, most emphatic way so far, steve's heart just sort of stops in his chest.
tap tap.
yes.
yes! eddie munson. eddie munson is the one talking to him right now. and maybe there is a part of steve that has been waiting for this moment, who has been waiting for a reason to let that hope that has been building in his chest to take over. he hadn't wanted to, hadn't wanted to have to face how childish a hope like that could be, but now when faced with the reality that it's true... steve all but jumps to his feet, his eyes growing wide at the second, repeated yes. yes. eddie munson. eddie fucking munson is communicating with him from the upside down. ]
Eddie? Holy shit, Eddie, is that really you? [ he's pacing now, walking around the lantern because he refuses to look away, but he can't keep still.
his heart is beating again, but now it feels too fast, fluttering somewhere against his ribcage. ] You're alive? How? What?
no subject
but steve tries not to focus on that, because those are the things that have kept him up. the things he can't help but roll over and over in his mind. right now is different, because right now there is something to be done. something he can do. even if it's something of a struggle to get to that point. he tries to think of options, tries to think of people. the yes or no is more limiting than he initially thought, but it's better than nothing, right? so he's got to make something of it.
he doesn't actually think anything will come of it, when he mentions eddie's name. he thinks he's being too hopeful, sending out a hail mary while he buys time to think of who it might actually be. which, he decides, has to be the reason that when the light does come on, when the two taps happen in the brightest, most emphatic way so far, steve's heart just sort of stops in his chest.
tap tap.
yes.
yes! eddie munson. eddie munson is the one talking to him right now. and maybe there is a part of steve that has been waiting for this moment, who has been waiting for a reason to let that hope that has been building in his chest to take over. he hadn't wanted to, hadn't wanted to have to face how childish a hope like that could be, but now when faced with the reality that it's true... steve all but jumps to his feet, his eyes growing wide at the second, repeated yes. yes. eddie munson. eddie fucking munson is communicating with him from the upside down. ]
Eddie? Holy shit, Eddie, is that really you? [ he's pacing now, walking around the lantern because he refuses to look away, but he can't keep still.
his heart is beating again, but now it feels too fast, fluttering somewhere against his ribcage. ] You're alive? How? What?