[ he will, in time. maybe. hopefully. steve's not really experienced where all this is concerned - he's been around death, watched death happen, lived through the aftermath of what is left behind. but he's always had just enough distance - a grandmother he didn't really know, his girlfriend's best friend, a guy who'd been dating the byers' mom, even hopper had felt... not real, in some weird way. eddie would have been the closest, Eddie would have hurt more, if moments after finding out about his death steve hadn't been pulled through the pond and seen the other boy alive and well.
this... he doesn't know if it's better, or worse, that he was there. that he knows his part in it played a role. as much as he tries, he can't pull himself from the spiral - that he's glad he was there because then nero wasn't alone, that he hates himself for being there because anyone else might have actually saved him. might have done something that would have helped.
still - it doesn't change things, and perhaps with time steve will be able to think about it without feeling like his chest is collapsing in on itself. for now, he just tries to breathe, tries calm down. he asks geralt not because he thinks it'll change anything, necessarily, but instead to hopefully feel like he wasn't the first person to ruin someone else's life while here in abraxas.
but geralt's answer doesn't... help. not in the way steve was hoping. instead, it pulls his attention - from nero, from death - towards the larger man, brow furrowed in confusion. ] Dean? [ dean has been... well, he supposes he has geralt to thank for whatever it is dean has been. after the destruction of steve's basement, dean has turned into someone that steve has turned to, gone to, not unlike geralt himself but... different.
dean felt familiar, and while steve doesn't want to say normal, he also kind of does. but hearing that he's died, here, and that it's something steve hadn't even thought possible...
wrong. steve frowns. ] What do you mean wrong? What happened?
[ he knows that geralt doesn't have to tell him, knows that there's as much of a chance geralt won't that he will. but steve feels himself cling onto this piece of information, cling on to this potential story, a lot more than geralt probably intended. he won't give words to the thoughts, not yet, but if dean came back then-
no. no, he's focused on this right now. on a dean winchester who apparently died, who came back wrong, who geralt almost had to kill and. yeah. that.
geralt shifts, brushes their shoulders together, and something in steve's chest unfurls. there is a part of him that's terrified that in the relaxing, he'll just fall apart. that every wall he's been holding together with glue and prayers will just crumple, just like he feels like doing, and that will be that. but it doesn't- at least right now it doesn't.
steve turns to look at geralt when he speaks, at first confused, but then realization settling in moments after. oh- steve didn't even think about that. didn't realize that domains could linger. he thinks for a moment if it's something he can even handle before he nods. pushes to his feet. ]
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this... he doesn't know if it's better, or worse, that he was there. that he knows his part in it played a role. as much as he tries, he can't pull himself from the spiral - that he's glad he was there because then nero wasn't alone, that he hates himself for being there because anyone else might have actually saved him. might have done something that would have helped.
still - it doesn't change things, and perhaps with time steve will be able to think about it without feeling like his chest is collapsing in on itself. for now, he just tries to breathe, tries calm down. he asks geralt not because he thinks it'll change anything, necessarily, but instead to hopefully feel like he wasn't the first person to ruin someone else's life while here in abraxas.
but geralt's answer doesn't... help. not in the way steve was hoping. instead, it pulls his attention - from nero, from death - towards the larger man, brow furrowed in confusion. ] Dean? [ dean has been... well, he supposes he has geralt to thank for whatever it is dean has been. after the destruction of steve's basement, dean has turned into someone that steve has turned to, gone to, not unlike geralt himself but... different.
dean felt familiar, and while steve doesn't want to say normal, he also kind of does. but hearing that he's died, here, and that it's something steve hadn't even thought possible...
wrong. steve frowns. ] What do you mean wrong? What happened?
[ he knows that geralt doesn't have to tell him, knows that there's as much of a chance geralt won't that he will. but steve feels himself cling onto this piece of information, cling on to this potential story, a lot more than geralt probably intended. he won't give words to the thoughts, not yet, but if dean came back then-
no. no, he's focused on this right now. on a dean winchester who apparently died, who came back wrong, who geralt almost had to kill and. yeah. that.
geralt shifts, brushes their shoulders together, and something in steve's chest unfurls. there is a part of him that's terrified that in the relaxing, he'll just fall apart. that every wall he's been holding together with glue and prayers will just crumple, just like he feels like doing, and that will be that. but it doesn't- at least right now it doesn't.
steve turns to look at geralt when he speaks, at first confused, but then realization settling in moments after. oh- steve didn't even think about that. didn't realize that domains could linger. he thinks for a moment if it's something he can even handle before he nods. pushes to his feet. ]